Subject=Shiny Toy Guns song
so yeah, another semester about to start, it's been a hellish summer. suspended license which led to loosing my job, right as i moved into an apartment for the first time with my girlfriend. Finally got my license back about two weeks ago, did my job training last week and haven't been able to get scheduled yet. last bad bit of the summer was this heat wave. can't say that i've enjoyed this summer at all, the other stuff just made it suck so bad. Anyway, I'm getting my diet back in order, which helps my mood a good bit. Because of this summer and everything I need to do next summer I'm going to try my hardest to become an RA at the Commons next Fall. I've read 4 books since Harry Potter came out this summer: HP7, Warrior by Jennifer Fallon, Dime Store Magic by Kelley Armstrong and Dark Heart by Margaret Weis. Escapism works. Thankfully I haven't forgotten all I learned from Calculus so it won't be so hard this time around.
It's all about the Pentiums baby
Ok, so apparently former presidents and vice presidents cannot legally be members of another president's cabinet.... oops. well guess we'll just push for the Obama Clinton '08. So yeah....
NOT A SPOILER!
Harry Potter is over with (books of course) and I swear they are addictive and I want more books. We all love Harry, we've seen him in so much pain we want to see the joy.
I think i've created a way to meditate and sketch at the same time, and it's had some interesting effects.
Anyway, anyone else about to freak out tuesday morning when you realize that Transformers is coming out?
Ok, admittedly it won't be as much fun because i didn't make an Ultra Magnus costume to wear to the premier.
I want to figure out how to use a plunger to grab a beer from the toilet while i'm in the toilet.
I can't wait for school to start again in the fall.
I must revise a belief that I've held for a long time. Said belief: psychotropic drugs need to be taken only to relieve the symptoms of depression long enough to work through the problems.
Well, I have made a fatal error due to my lack of intimate knowledge about anti-depressants. Once the drugs take full effect the ideal effect is that one would not feel the symptoms of depression. So if the symptoms aren't there and you can't trace them back to causes, you can't fix the problem.
That being said, anti-depressants can work for some people, the big problem is they take (usually) over a month to truely take affect, but you can immediatly start suffering from side-effects of the drugs. It can also take a very long time to find just the right drug for you. Along with taking anti-depressants it IS necessary to see a psychiatrist to monitor your status.
Another option is meditation, but with meditation it takes a very long time and the most dedication of all the depression-relief tactics. through extensive and maintained meditation one can become very numb and philosophical to most situations. The catch is that along with being numb to the bad, you also become numb to the good.
And of course the most prefered and truely effective method is psychotherapy. While it isn't as fast or easy as medication, it gives you the benefit of not becoming numb to everything, and it has a lack of side effects.
Now the reason I bring this up, is that i've learned my lesson, a little over a year ago i started taking zoloft again to alleviate another bought of depression. Not only was I wrong to not see a psychologist while i was becoming "climatized" to the drug, my anger (that i'd been repressing from various sources) started surfacing faster than i could handle it. Regretably I was oblivious to these effects until it was too late. I started taking a friends need for privacy as an insult to myself. and with that came the confrontation that i regretably ended our friendship. Given the opportunity i would certainly beg for forgiveness and put that part of my life behind me, holding on to only the lessons learned.
I've said my piece, G'night.
Well, nothings going on today, Shelley and I drove back today from her parents. I feel bad for my parents, now that I don't have my license everything's turned into a giant cluster-fuck. I haven't been to see my parents but about 3 or 4 times since school ended. Even worse I've had to ask for money every time I see them (yeah, the job search has turned up zilch so far). Unfortunately an end is still not in sight, but the only thing I can do is to try my best to turn it around as fast as possible.
Other than that, I finally got my external hard drive formatted again!!!!!
It's hard staying positive right now, we're barely getting by just on shelley's paycheck. The mere fact that I have to depend on shelley bothers me (i.e. guilt). My lack of a job has only started to affect our relationship. Looking back, yeah, moving out was a bad idea, if I had known I was going to loose my license and my job, I honestly wouldn't have moved out. But I'm here now and I'm not going to turn back, I mean how can I? Leaving them stuck with the appartment is almost not an option.
When it comes down to it, if I don't have a job by the time school starts in the fall, I may not have the choice as to whether or not I stay here. If my parent's can't cover my ass then they may make me move back, and Shelley and Katie-Mae will either need to find a new roommate or decide to pay more.
So yeah, I'm in a shit hole of a situation right now.
You now know of the game. The point of the game is to forget that you're playing the game. If you think about the game, you loose the game. When you loose the game you must tell everyone around you, if no one is around you txting, posting, Istant Messaging. If there are people around you when you loose the game you must tell them you lost the game, if they ask about the game then you must explain the game to them. Thank you for playing the game, that you just lost for the first time.
I've had too much time on my hands (as usual) and i've started noticing things that i'd like to point out.
Well the first thing came to my attention through day dreaming: Why is it that we depend so much on a society that forces us by it's very nature to be the people that we are not (for most of us)?
I don't know why. Honestly, I don't, but it irritates me that we (those who wish not to be a part of society) are forced to be a part of society because of it's far reaching effects and sheer laws against it. We can't just go live off some area of land, living in a way that's the most basic sense of survival, because we have no ownership of that land. Since we don't own the land, someone else must own that land surely, either another person, an organization, or simply the government. We are forced to take part in daily activities that change us, irritate us, and out right go against our nature as humans. Believe it or not we are still animals, now I'm not suggesting we live like animals, but there is a side of me that wishes we could live in harmony with the Earth instead of exploiting it so much. Humans used to fit into the natural cycle and order which did no harm to the Earth, we had a roll. A very important roll I will add. One that needed filling at the time of our arrival that we have long since left in order to pursue our own ambitions that scar the planet and damage the skies.
That being said, there is nothing that can be done about it at this stage other than a cataclysmic event. Humans have become too strong and too numerous for a simple change in ideology to return us to the niche that we once filled. Our society is doomed, whether it be by change or by an extinction level event.
All these thoughts come to mind when I daydream of simply dropping everything, grabbing a few supplies, and wandering out into the wilderness to fend for myself, and eventually die. I will be fulfilling the original niche for which we evolved, but I will also be forsaking the "responsibilities" I have to society. I say we drop society like a bad habit, it seems like we made society so that the less able of us, whom we care about, will not die easily. Society has allowed us to extend the lives of every human being. This has it's pros and cons, but ultimately society is an invention by the human for the human, whereas the human was an invention modified by nature to fill a niche. It's very possible that our niche has been filled and society is simply the human response to a lacking of said niche. Thereby creating a false need to survive and delaying the inevitable. Nature will win in the end, even if it takes the Earth with us, because we mustn't forget that nature extends beyond the Earth to the farthest reaches of the Universe and possibly beyond if there is a beyond farther than that. My point is the human race has filled it's niche and completed it's task, if we had not changed the world to suit us then we as humans would have become extinct long ago. So, cherish the days you have, but also remember, in the end, nothing matters, so enjoy the trip to the end, because that's all there really is.
Yeah, I came back to LiveJournal. I'm not sure why, but I do remember why I left, that's a story for another post. Anyway, I'm a geek, my favorite channels are History Channel, Discovery Channel, Cartoon Network, and SciFi. I know way too much for my own good, or so it seems on a regular basis. I have a bit of free time on my hands right now, my drivers license got suspended because I was driving 86 in a 50, now if that was all that was to it I'd say "I did the deed, I pay the price." but here's the twist; when i was driving this fast (on a 4 lane Interstate) I was on my way to my dieing grandfather. I had been called by my mom the night before telling me that I needed to come see him because they did not know how long he'd last, so I drove out to the hospital to see him that night, he was stable for that day and while I was there he had actually made some improvement, now I had a Psychology test the next morning so I decided that I would stay at my parents house for the night, drive back to atlanta in the morning if my grandfather hadn't changed during the night, and go straight back to the hospital. Well I woke up that morning, he'd been fine through the night so I left, right as I walked into the classroom my brother called me telling me that he was doing a little better and that they were going to take him off the resporator, so I sat down, took my test walked out the door, and while going back to my car my brother called me and told me that my grandfather had taken a bad turn and was dieing fast, and that I should get back. so I got in my car and drove as fast as I could getting back, only paying attention to the road and the other cars around me, not my speedometer. The cop couldn't let me go because the radar gun automatically records on the laptop in the cop car, and since I was thirty over the limit I had to make a court appearence a month later. Three minutes after getting finished with the cop, my brother called again, my grandfather had died.
Everyone I talked to reassured me that because of what had happend the judge would let me off, well after a month of worry and prolonged greif from my grandfathers death I went to court. Turns out that Georgia has a mandatory minimum sentence for any driver under the age of 21 for speeding more than 25 over the limit and other various driving offenses. So the judges hands were tied in the matter and I recieved a sentence of 20 hours community service, two MADD VIP sessions ($50 a piece), attendence of programs called Alive at 25 ($35), FYI, C=C, an approved 6-8 hour defensive driving class (cost unknown). It's still possible that my license will remain suspended until May of next year, or it could all end on July 31st at my compliance hearing. Either way my grandfathers death has been dragged out for me over 5 months, because of a speeding ticket.
Let me know what you think, It's nost something that I am very sensitive about, on the contrary the entire sequence of events has made me dull, unresponsive. I am only curious of what others think about the situation.